When our plans fall apart.....
What do we do when all of our planning and goal setting comes to a complete halt, when we think our life is taking us in one direction but suddenly we are facing the unknown, when we feel as though the carpet got ripped out from under our feet?
I am facing this open road in this moment once again. It feels like a familiar foreign place. I thought I would be returning to my home state to collaborate with friends. However, the universe has other plans for me. What I thought I was going to do, may not happen. I may not return after all. I may not be walking the path I have so carefully co-created.
What will I do? Where will I go? How will I make money? These are the questions that begin to arise in my mind. This is the old story that arises when fear tries to sneak in. I'm usually a girl with a plan. I am a Taurus, grounded in my movements, methodic, meticulous. And yet everything I have tried to create since the turn of this new year into 2016, has disintegrated before me or is not manifesting with ease. With the shifting of goals and the evolution of souls, places I have worked at and people I have worked with aren't "working out" anymore. My weaknesses and imperfections are arising, showing me the work that still needs to be done. I could again revert to another tendency of silent, self abuse, berating myself for my wrongs, mistakes and imperfections. However, Yoga and Ayurveda have shown me more gentle, loving ways of relating to myself. And that is to simply, step back so to speak, to detach myself from the situation a little, to gain a new sense of perspective. It's ok that I am not perfect, right? Who is really? Do I even want to be perfect? That is way too much pressure! I would rather be happy than perfect.
There have been many disturbances, noises and such, that have been grating against my nervous system. I have been noticing them more often than not lately. I've been told these are the "sounds of creation" and that birth is painful. And yes that is true, as I have witnessed from my friend who has recently given birth and is in recovery mode. There are screams, tears and hammering between the silence of a joyous smile exchanged between strangers, the kind gesture of unwarranted service to someone unexpecting and the grace of miracles happening in every moment. I am choosing these magic moments, creating them for myself and others.
Those questions of fear and doubt used to keep me up at night. They would worry me to tears, at times in the past. Yet now, there is a trust, a knowing that I am exactly where I need to be. With a plan or without one. I trust in the Divine plan that is laid before me. After all, I am on Divine time, not my own. These wise words from my teacher resound in my ears when the doubt tries in creep in. And with these inner whisperings, a deep sense of inner peace is felt. There is no need to search for silence. There is no need to frantically revert to "plan B". There is only this moment. There is only this breath. There is only myself and I choose how to react to each moment that unfolds. And I choose....love....
Happy Valentine's Day my friends, my beloveds. May you all choose love too...
What do we do when all of our planning and goal setting comes to a complete halt, when we think our life is taking us in one direction but suddenly we are facing the unknown, when we feel as though the carpet got ripped out from under our feet?
I am facing this open road in this moment once again. It feels like a familiar foreign place. I thought I would be returning to my home state to collaborate with friends. However, the universe has other plans for me. What I thought I was going to do, may not happen. I may not return after all. I may not be walking the path I have so carefully co-created.
What will I do? Where will I go? How will I make money? These are the questions that begin to arise in my mind. This is the old story that arises when fear tries to sneak in. I'm usually a girl with a plan. I am a Taurus, grounded in my movements, methodic, meticulous. And yet everything I have tried to create since the turn of this new year into 2016, has disintegrated before me or is not manifesting with ease. With the shifting of goals and the evolution of souls, places I have worked at and people I have worked with aren't "working out" anymore. My weaknesses and imperfections are arising, showing me the work that still needs to be done. I could again revert to another tendency of silent, self abuse, berating myself for my wrongs, mistakes and imperfections. However, Yoga and Ayurveda have shown me more gentle, loving ways of relating to myself. And that is to simply, step back so to speak, to detach myself from the situation a little, to gain a new sense of perspective. It's ok that I am not perfect, right? Who is really? Do I even want to be perfect? That is way too much pressure! I would rather be happy than perfect.
There have been many disturbances, noises and such, that have been grating against my nervous system. I have been noticing them more often than not lately. I've been told these are the "sounds of creation" and that birth is painful. And yes that is true, as I have witnessed from my friend who has recently given birth and is in recovery mode. There are screams, tears and hammering between the silence of a joyous smile exchanged between strangers, the kind gesture of unwarranted service to someone unexpecting and the grace of miracles happening in every moment. I am choosing these magic moments, creating them for myself and others.
Those questions of fear and doubt used to keep me up at night. They would worry me to tears, at times in the past. Yet now, there is a trust, a knowing that I am exactly where I need to be. With a plan or without one. I trust in the Divine plan that is laid before me. After all, I am on Divine time, not my own. These wise words from my teacher resound in my ears when the doubt tries in creep in. And with these inner whisperings, a deep sense of inner peace is felt. There is no need to search for silence. There is no need to frantically revert to "plan B". There is only this moment. There is only this breath. There is only myself and I choose how to react to each moment that unfolds. And I choose....love....
Happy Valentine's Day my friends, my beloveds. May you all choose love too...
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